I never gave the notion of being a single mother too much thought, even after I knew it was to be my inevitable future. Living this lifestyle and gaining experiences has brought me to a few recent conclusions. Being a single mother is a full time job, but so is being any kind of mother. My day in its entirely revolves around taking care of Marley, but show me a mother who lives any other way. It’s not being a single mother that I find difficult, it’s being single and it’s living alone.
A few nights ago I was rocking Marley and watching the neighborhood through my picture window. I wanted so badly to be quietly talking with my husband. Maybe we would be sharing stories of our daughter, our day or our future. Maybe we would have been watching television and laughing together. Living alone is quiet. I find myself sitting alone and missing the times when I’d be waiting for my husband to come home. Alone time was treasured, but are you really alone when you’re waiting for someone to return?
The point of marriage I think, is to never be alone – codependent by choice, dependent on the noise of marriage, the laughter, the conversation and even the arguments. I miss this noise and look forward to a time when Marley can contribute more. I imagine she’ll have Ryan’s humor and my tendency to exaggerate. I’ll welcome her stories, fact or fiction because they’ll break up the quiet routine of living single. In one aspect, I am very lucky – I have Marley. It’s a gift left to me that promises I’ll never truly be alone again.
Hey Kris,
ReplyDeleteSooner than you think Marley will be talking your ear off. I wonder what she will sound like. I wonder if she will laugh like Ryan, I hope she does. His laugh was so purely amusing you could always tell he was really entertained by what he was laughing at.