Friday, February 4, 2011

My Someone


“When the hurt is strong you need someone to comfort you.” –Bob Marley

There are many aspects of grief that I have been forced to come to terms with.  I’ve learned that the second you feel like things are getting better, they get worse.  Grief is a constant companion, one day quiet as a mouse and the next, roaring like a lion.  I’ve cried every night this week because every night I come home to a life without Ryan.  Friday comes with a slight relief, but also carries memories of the past.  Date nights, movie nights, lazy mornings and intimacy.  These things are gone for me now and I’m left with a quiet routine I did not ask for.  I could call friends, but friends are busy.  It’s been four months and the excitement is gone.  Their lives have gone back to resemble something close to what they were before.  They go home to their families to laugh and fight and live.  The pain doesn’t stop for me, in fact, time acts like a fertilizer, making the pain stronger, sharper - my new reality.  I wonder if anyone stops to imagine this pain, not that they could, but in the beginning I know many tried.  Now, as I watch the world around me rotate and move on, I can’t help but feel incredibly alone.  My someone is gone.  The one person who could lift this weight is no longer here.  He left for work one day, almost four months ago and that was it, I never saw him again, not even once.

1 comment:

  1. The pain, the fertilizer, might be used to grow something positive. Not that anything will compare to Ryan, and not to negate the loss, but perhaps this pain will bring something good in the future. Maybe you will be able to help someone else with their pain since you are so intimate with your own.
    I'm still thinking about you.

    ReplyDelete