“Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life your living?”
-Bob Marley
I recently read that when grieving the loss of someone you love, it’s common to have a consuming need to share their stories. I know this to be true because I can’t stop talking about Ryan. I want to run through the streets shouting his praise, sharing personal anecdotes so that everyone knows who he was and what we had. I’ve been told often by both family and friends that they envy the love Ryan and I shared. They feel this way because they’re not fortunate enough to have this passion in their own relationships. I’ve always known this about myself and Ryan, always been satisfied with the life we lived. Never look back, always walk good. I’ve decided to share some of my favorite stories on this blog. My goal is to wipe some of the fog off the window and let you peak at the warm life Ryan and I shared. I hope it gives you insight and shows you where the smiles came from.
Story 1: Date Night
We adored Date Night and would strive to participate at least once a week. I’d always hit the gym first, in hopes of making myself feel less guilty after eating the three course meal I knew Ryan would inevitably talk me into. Afterwards, I’d take my time getting ready. Usually about half way through my shower, Ryan would return from work and I’d hear a jovial, “Krissy, I’m home!” I’d then hear each of our four pets welcome him home in their own distinct voice, reflecting each of their unique personalities. Blotter, low and slow, would grumble about being hungry. Brady, high and confused, would ask if Ryan had seen any butterflies. Benny, smart and sassy, would complain about the noise and bother and finally, on every one's way up the stairs, Bugs, the only silent pet, would run ahead to show Ryan his food dish which was most certainly empty. Always after these shenanigans, there would be two bright eyes peaking through my shower curtain, or maybe a hand darting through, causing trouble. There’d be laughing, singing and smiling. Ryan would want to know what he should wear and of course, what I was wearing. This would lead to a bit of a fashion show, where he’d eagerly sit through numerous wardrobe changes, until we had both agreed on the best choice. By now, we’d each be sipping on a glass of wine, the minutes ticking by, our stomachs beginning to growl, but neither of us in much of a hurry because with us, it was never about the destination, but always the journey.
An hour or so later, we’d be on our way to a restaurant which we’d have chosen based upon the expected wait time. An hour was good, but 90 minutes was ideal. This gave us time to linger over another glass of wine, catch up on our week and check in on our dreams. When our table was ready, we’d sit across from one another, wrapped in conversation. Ryan would order something extravagant such as the chef’s three course truffle special or maybe lobster stuffed tenderloin. He would then shake his head and scold me for evening out the bill with my order of vegetable pasta. “Geez Kris, live a little.”
It was during these nights that I did live. I lived to love, to eat, to drink and to dream. I lived to be with the person I treasured most in the world, the person sitting next to me, the person listening to my every word, filling my wine glass, feeding me a truffle and making me smile. It was these nights that we’d plan our future, relive our past and make promises that we were sure to keep. It was these nights that we were us, Kris and Ry, two people leagues deep, submerged in love. We’d open our eyes and look within, smile from assurance that we were deeply satisfied with the life we were living.
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